?????

Does anyone other than me get ridiculous information on their internet home-page?

I didn't think so.

I am convinced my “home page” is the Gigantic Magnet of the Cyberworld for useless information.

Somehow, the minions dispensing this endless stream of verbiage, videos, and sales pitches know we have dogs. 98.65% of the stuff is dog related. Of the remaining 1.35%; half is unevenly split between (ahem) male oriented products, lowering my interest rate on whatever, and getting state minimum auto insurance. The balance is actually worthwhile stuff.

Ain't the Internet a wonderful thing??

Thank you, Al Gore!

As an aside, did you know that 47% of statistics are made up on the spot?

But, I digress.

Recently, I have been the recipient of many interesting messages asking “Do you know what your dog is saying when they (fill in the blank)?”. “Why do dogs chase their tails?” and the topper: “Why do dogs sniff the ground before they poop?” Honest. I am not fabricating that one.

While somehow or another losing these fascinating links before I could access (Darn! Hate when that happens!), they did spur some thought.

For example, the other day, my Lovely Bride and I spotted a lady walking her dog. While this in and of itself is not terribly noteworthy, what we observed sparked my curiosity.

The dog had just completed takin' care of business. The lady, being a responsible pet owner, was endeavoring to recover any tangible proof of their passing. The dog, for its part, was wandering about; absorbed in whatever it is dogs become absorbed in. It was apparent the dog/handler combination in question had not progressed terribly far in obedience classes; as the dog was wandering further and further from the lady. The lady, for her part, was using a Flexie Lead (which are on a reel, and extend outward, giving the pooch freer rein), the dog was taking full advantage of this opportunity.

The lady was bending over, plastic bag in hand, attempting to reach the object of her quest when the lead attained the maximum length. Undeterred with this minor inconvenience, the dog continued on-ward. The lady was practically obsessed by the recovery efforts, and unaware of the present state.

There she was; bent at the waist, one arm stretched behind her, the other arm extended before her, within mere inches of the prize, when it happened. Fido gave a jerk, the lady lost her footing, and very nearly became one with the recently applied organic fertilizer. All of which begged the question:

HOW DO DOGS KNOW THE PRECISE MOMENT TO TUG ON THE LEAD??

This in turn, caused more ruminating on my behalf.

Have you ever wondered.....

Why is it a dog will ordinarily consume their food, water, snacks, etc. in total contentment. You can provide them a bowl of kibble, put left over gravy on it; and the canine will gladly partake. Upon completion, they wander off to pursue things of greater importance; such as napping, barely giving you a nod.

EXCEPT... when you are finely dressed to enjoy a night on the town. How do they discern between a worn out pair of jean, and a $700 suit?

Further, WHAT compels them to obsess about using your leg for a napkin only when you are wearing said suit?? Are they greatly entertained watching your gyrations, weaves, and dodges to (vainly) avoid having a smear of food, gravy, and dog drool down your leg? Is there a secret doggie club where they share stories of suits and gowns they have ruined?

“Hey, Ralph! Tell us about the time you totally trashed your owners Yves St. Lauren gown with Alpo! Listen up guys! This is a classic! Har har har!”

Which brought up another question: Have you ever wondered how a critter can posses the uncanny ability to IMMEDIATELY locate and devour every disgusting deceased animal or remnant thereof no matter where, when, or how?

BUT... try to hide a pill in a bowl of nutritious, delicious, absolutely irresistible dog food.... and the same dog will avoid the entire offering like the plague.

How in the world do they know there is something beneficial to them in there?

Which leads to another puzzler.....Seven years ago we lost a little dog at the young age of 4 due to pet food contamination. My Lovely Bride began to make our own food. She devised a couple healthy, wholesome, recipes incorporating proteins, appropriate carbohydrates, vitamins, minerals and so forth.

She would use either green beans or green peas as part of the mix. It smells very good, and on more than one occasion, I have come home after a hard day's work, sniffed the aroma, and asked “Wow.. what is for dinner?” My hopes would be dashed upon hearing “That is dog food. We are having left overs. Take you pick from the Refrigerator of Chance.”

While I would be making my way through left over whatever it is, something very odd became apparent.

How can dogs, eating in hyper-speed mode, clean out their entire bowl in less than a minute.... and leave behind all the green beans? How is this even physically possible? One side of their mouth is sucking in and the other side is spitting back out???

I have realized such questions shall remain amongst the Great Unanswered of all time.

These rest  beside that conundrum which has had Mankind scratching it's collective head for decades:

Who did put the “bop” in the “bop shoo bop shoo bop”????