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Friday, March 29, 2013

Why is it?

We have been on this Lighten Up 2013 excursion for over 2 months now. I have had time to look at where I have started, my present location, and where I want to be.
So far, so good.
There have been some bumps and side tracks along the way.
Yet my weight loss GPS has not been harping "Re-calculating" or "When safe, make a u-turn."
My daily visit with the Scale of Truth is positive, for the most part.

Still.... I have pondered some things and not discovered an answer.
In the still of the night, with the soothing background music of our Bulldog snoring, I will often times ask myself:

Why is it.... that a miniscule sundae at Dairy Queen, no more than 4 total ounces of product, shows up as a 1 pound gain the next day?

Why is it....that a single 12 ounce bottle of Pennsylvania Mountain Milk corresponds to a 32 ounce increase on the Scale of Truth?

Why is it....that 98% of the well meaning people who offer "sure-fire"weight loss advice, look like the "before" photo in a Slim Fast ad?

Why is it....that no matter WHAT you do to some foods, they are still not appealing; think cauliflower.

Why is it....that consuming nearly a pound of celery, carrots, green pepper strips... only equates to a quarter pound loss of weight?

Why is it....there seems to be a zillion times more pizza joint, hamburger places, steak houses and seafood restaurant ads on TV than there used to be?

Why is it...there is always that one person in every office who eats like a lumberjack making up for lost meals, and still looks like a toothpick?

Why is it...I have never noticed the intoxicating aromas from the bakery department, the deli department, the prepared food counter, the fresh coffee bar in the grocery store until lately?

And, finally....

Why is it....that when attempting to explore these mysteries with my Lovely Bride, she looks at me as if I have turnips coming out of my ears??

Ahh... the  puzzlement's of Life.

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Numbers, Vita-bot, and OCD

Yesterday my Lovely Bride and I met with Cori at the Lake Health Department. She is always so pleasant and up-beat! You are doing a great job, Cori :)
LB and I were both pleased, all of our numbers are going down.. Woo Hoo!! This is very satisfying in and of itself.
The little book mark with the calorie content of various snacks will come in very handy. It has a place of honor beside my computer monitor.

However, I was a bit perplexed that "Jelly Doughnuts" are not on the "approved" snacks list. Obviously, this must have been an oversight. I am certain this will be corrected in future print runs.

Then.. the topic of "Vita-bot" came up.
Lovely Bride has been very diligent about recording her daily caloric consumption. She has created her own recipes and customized food entries to make tracking her nutritional goals simpler. She has been diligent in recording her weight, gaining the untold joy of seeing that little line trend down.
Yay for my Lovely Bride.

Me, on the other hand.... let's just say I have somewhat of a laizze-faire approach to Vita-bot.
The more my hands are off, the happier I am. This is not to imply I don't watch what I eat (I do), I am not hiding anything (my Jeep has been retrained to NOT turn into the doughnut shop on Lake Shore Blvd), I am dropping weight (no shame in recording numbers), and my clothes fit better. Simply put; I refuse to become obsessive about this.
Hey... those who know me well realize I have OCD tendencies.
Shoot, I guess everyone knows it now.

I am not about to dwell upon each mouthful I take. I am not going to analyze the caloric count, the grams of fat, and the milligrams of sodium. I don't partake of fast food, convenience food, candy bars, chips, and so on. I eat a lot of fruits, veggies, whole grains, low salt foods.

I know that on Easter, we will have ham. Therefore, I realize I will have to watch the sodium content of foods now, knowing what is in store on Sunday. I also know the potential to have larger than normal quantities of eggs present exists. So, guess what? I am watching fat and cholesterol content now.

But... micro-analyzing and recording everything?
Nope... isn't going to happen.

Besides, to my way of thinking, anything with "bot" as part of it's name just isn't natural.
Call it my inherent rebellious streak.

Monday, March 25, 2013


Today is somewhat of a mile-stone day.

No, I am not another year older.
 My Lovely Bride and I have not had any additional grandchildren.
My Lovely Bride is not expecting.
In fact, nothing of a typical" momentous nature" has taken place.

However, I did step upon the Scale of Truth for the first time since coming down with pneumonia.
 This is more than 2 weeks without seriously observing any dietary regimen.
More than 2 weeks with an activity level approximating that of a two-toed sloth hooked on Valium was with a fair amount of trepidation I stepped upon my cool, aloof chrome and glass adversary.
Again, I was enchanted by the flashing lights, etc, etc.
Then.... the lights stopped.

I peeked between my fingers at the verdict between my feet.

Down FIVE POUNDS from prior to the Great Pneumonia Outbreak of 2013.

I would not recommend, nor even remotely suggest this as an effective weight loss program.

Now, back to semi-reality... more disciplined eating, starting to exercise (I know, I know... ease back into it.) and on we go.

Oh, I do want to thank the good people at Cabana's for being a much-welcomed, much anticipated bright spot in the midst of this program.
Only... come on, guys... I am ordering from the "light Menu".... Does it really look like I need to indulge in a gooey, yummy, chocolate laden dessert?
Ask me in the second week of August... :)

Thursday, March 14, 2013

How to Scuttle Your Weight Loss Program

I am certain several of the remaining participants have been secretly asking "How do I get free of the regimen?"
While moi has not been pondering such a weighty (pun fully intended) matter, I am quite certain others have.
In a ironic little of twist of Providential Intervention, I can now pass on a very full-proof means by which to toss the proverbial monkey wrench in the works.
Le Gran Sabot, as our Gallic friends would say.
Other acronyms of military origin are also applicable. I will allow the reader the joy of discovery with these.

"How does one trash weeks of discipline, diet, and sensible living?" you anxiously ask.
It is quite simple.

Obtain a good case of double pneumonia.
It is quite interesting how the deep-seated, primal desire to breath usurps any frivolous desire to lose weight.
Suddenly, the calorie content and grams of fat contained in a bowl of chicken noodle soup become somewhat negligible.
To loosely (very loosely) apply Henry David Thoreau: "Simplify, simplify".... Life don't much more simple than air going in, and air coming out.( Aside... isn't it interesting how a guy who lived long before electricity, cell phones, inter-net, blah,blah, blah bemoaned how complex life was? He would have gone over the edge in today's world.)
While to the absurdly optimistic person, the various wheezes, squeaks, and whistles which emanate are similar to an out of tune bag-pipe, the entertainment value wears thin fairly quickly.

However, following a trip to my very capable physician, Dr. Ciotti, a few prescriptions, and rest; I no longer feel as if I was hit by a freight train. I now feel as if I had been hit by a bus. I guess that is an improvement.
 I am upright and able to take nourishment. And with deepest heart-felt thanks to my Lovely Bride, it has been very tasty, healthy, and substantative nourishment.  Once again, proving the truth of Proverbs 31:10  "An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels."

Today pneumonia... next week... the weight loss!!
Viva La Nutritional Plan !!



Wednesday, March 6, 2013

The Little Things

Like a rash that just won't go away... I'm back!

Here we are, well into the Lighten Up 2013 program. I send my congratulations to those who have posted big losses over the past 30 days!
If any of you saw the News-Herald on Sunday, you will know I cannot legitimately claim membership in that elite group.
I tell my self "This is a marathon, not a sprint". To which myself replies; "Yeah, whatever."

But, I do delight in what I call The Little Things.

Have you ever had a pair of favorite jeans that tend to make buttoning them just a little bit of a challenge? You hold your breath, suck in stomach, pull zipper partway up in an effort to "close the gap"..and the stupid little brass button will NOT go all the way through the too-small, too-far-away button hole.
Then, one day, grasping the button, the two ends meet! Oh the Joy! Oh the Jubilation!! You have experienced an event similar to driving in the Golden Spike to complete the Transcontinental Railroad!!

Do you have a shirt, you know the one. Soft, feels great, looks great, a definite Comfort Shirt. Then, all of the sudden, one side of the garment is not as wide as the other! Upon buttoning, the fabric is stretched to the limits of the buttons. Drum heads are stretched as much as this sad imposter of your favorite shirt is!!
Then, one day, while getting dressed in the half light of morning so as not to disturb anyone, you pluck the garment from the closet. Still half asleep, you slip into the shirt, and..... the buttons meet perfectly! No gaps! No threat of launching a button like a cruise missile from your middle! Another little victory!

Belts....have you ever wondered how leather can shrink, just hanging in a closet? My shoes don't shrink, they are made of leather. But my belts shrink. It is painfully apparent belts are made of a lesser grade of hide. Perhaps it is the process which imparts this not to be desired quality upon belts. You now find yourself exploring new holes close to the buckle. Places you have never been before. It doesn't feel right... just...well, wrong.
Until, one day, weeks after having relegated the belt to the back of the hanger, you grab it. Why, you ask? Because it is the only one that matches your pants!
Resignedly, you slip it about your waist. Cinching it through the buckle; you suddenly realize, the little pokey thing fits in the original, well-used hole on the other side!!

So... while these are not as momentous as posting a big number;
as someone once said.
It is the little things in life that truly matter.

Monday, March 4, 2013

3 P Dietary Plan

Ahhh.. the weekend.
As you may have recalled from Friday's blog, I was lamenting the vagaries of losing weight.
As things worked out I wound up practicing the 3 Ps of Dieting

Pork chops

Friday evening, my Lovely Bride and I met a dear friend and her fiancee at Guido's in Chesterland. If youi have been to Guido's you KNOW of what I speak. If you have not been to Guido's, they are a definite must visit.....except when not dieting.

We were both "good", I opted for a meatball sandwich, while my Lovely Bride chose the eggplant parm sandwich. We both had a small dinner salad; more for penance than anything. Our sandwiches arrived, much to our delight. Being congnizant of what we are trying to achieve, we both took half home. Yes, they did survive until Saturday, which was the plan.
But, wait.. Pizza... there is no mention of pizza.
Our friend's fiancee ordered a large The Works pizza. Of course, this was far more than he would be able to consume. And of course, we all had to pitch in. Only one piece for each of us. But was it good!!

Than Sunday came around. I was informed a neighboring community was holding a Pancake breakfast. As our church is a couple short miles down the road, it made perfect sense to go there afterward. Plus, LB knew several people who would be there.
Pancakes... blueberry, buckwheat, French toast...Yumm....
Having been raised by parents who endured the Great Depression, two things are ingrained within in me. One, get the most bang for the buck. Two, don't waste food, because there are kids starving in (insert continent of your choice here).
Soo.... upon realizing this was an all you can snarf down gig; well, I didn't want my parents to think their constant harping, and nagging, and... I mean their teachings were for naught. Dad, you would have been proud.

But... Waterloo awaited. When I entered our home, the intoxicating fragrance of LB's pork chops filled the rooms. She had thoughtfully placed about half a ton of suculent, boneless chops, all marinated and seasoned, in the oven to bake while we were gone.
Now, these are not just ordinary pork chops. My Lovely Bride is an alchemist when it comes to transforming mere animal protein into a dish worthy of acclaim. One of our sons-in-law yearns for her pork roasts and pork chops. When they come back to visit, I know what we will be having for dinner at least one evening.

I did exercise restraint. I only had one, which was a feat for me!
I lingered in the afterglow of a wonderful dinner.

And... this morning, the Scale of Truth revealed that I am down TWO POUNDS.

Therefore, studies prove the 3P dietary program is indeed effective.

Friday, March 1, 2013

Friday, Friday.... Can't trust that day

Does anyone else have this issue?

All week long, you are doing great; eating the right things, walking, exercising, working out?

Then, Friday comes along.

Devious, sneaky, subversive Friday.

WHY does the Vend-O-Lard machine always seem to win on Friday??

That brown sugar/cinnamon Pop-Tart (un toasted, BTW) was NOT all that great. In fact, it was reminiscent of cinnamon flavored cardboard. Assuming one ever had such a dietary delight. Plus, it cost a buck! I could have just sprinkled some sugar from the coffee station on a sales report, and gotten the same effect. And that would have been FREE!!

WHY does every single one of my co-workers have to go out for lunch on Friday?? And, then bring 10 pound sacks of fast food wonders BACK to the office?? Oh the olfactory delights of grilled beef, hot, greasy fried potatoes. Or Chinese carry-out. Or a stromboli from the Italian place down the road... it is maddening!

And....WHY do people just happen to bring in Girl Scout Cookies, and cupcakes, and brownies, and muffins on Friday?? Why not carrots  or broccoli??   Never mind, I answered my own question.

And....WHY must I be subjected to hearing everyone's dinner, restaurant, party, bar mitzvah, coronation, and World Championship Tiddly-Winks Party plans for the weekend  ALL DAY LONG on Friday??

I seem to recall reading that a person may become "slightly cranky" at some point during the weight loss "journey". Lewis and Clark took a "journey", this is more like a forced march.

Do you have ANY idea how exciting it isn't to face a bowl of Cheerios Monday through Friday for breakfast?? I feel like I am trapped in a Groundhog Day of my own making.

Oh, Saturday is a real treat... scrambled egg whites with crushed Cheerios in them. Not really; no one would do such a thing. (Dear,you didn't read that part)

I think maybe, I just might be,  approaching the "slightly cranky" point.  Wanna make something out of it??