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Tuesday, July 16, 2013

My Lovely Bride... the comedian

My Lovely Bride is a genial, friendly, out-going person. She has a great sense of humor, laughs at most (well, some) of my stupid jokes, and has been know to come up some good rib-ticklers on her own.
The other day, though, she hit me squarely between the eyes with a real knee-slapper.

It was so funny... heee heee.. I get the giggles thinking about it. She told me-oh my gosh.. I can hardly keep from laughing aloud- she told me out of the blue.... now get this- Oh man, I am shaking with laughter- here it comes--- ready? She said “Our grandson will be 21 this week.”. BWAHHHAHHH!

What amazed me, is she delivered this side-splitter with a perfectly straight face! Oh my gosh.. the woman is GOOD!.

I was about to double over in a fit of hysterics, when I noted through my tears of mirth....she was not laughing with me. Being the astute husband and male that I am, my initial reaction was “Uh Oh.”
I caught my breath, straightened up, and asked her (as seriously as I could) to repeat what she had said. This time, with an icy stare that would stop a freight train, she stated our grandson was going to be 21.

I looked about me dumbfounded, which is my usual expression.
“How can this be?” I thought. My mind raced back over the years.... born, little kid, elementary school, Jr. High, Sr. High, College, Married.. yep... my math came up with me being 20 years old. How could it even be physically possible for me to have a 21 year old grand child??
“Just whose teeny-weeny foot prints in the cement do you think these are?” I stared blankly at the tiny toes, narrow little feet, and the initials “DJH...1993” AH-HA! I thought! I pointed out the date to my Lovely Bride, thereby proving I did NOT have a 21 year old grandchild. Smugly, I informed her that “1993” is only 20 years. She then, equally as smugly, pointed out the lad was close to a year old when the sidewalk was replaced, and we dipped his tiny tootsies in the cement.
The enormity of what she was suggesting hit me like a bucket of ice-water. Too stunned to move, I collapsed on the front step, my mind a-buzz with thought. LB patted me on the shoulder as she went indoors to enjoy the air-conditioning. I thought I detected a slight chuckle as she shut the door behind her.
I considered Einstein and the Theory of Relativity... apparently, for some odd reason, my life has been progressing at the speed of light. Since I have been traveling at light speed it appears as though there is no linear movement what so ever. THAT is why things appear to remain stationary. In reality, I am zipping along, cramming a whole life-time of experiences into only a couple short months.
The other possibility I could come up with entailed a minor warp in the space-time continuum. This in turn created a difficult to discern worm-hole into which I had slipped. While I am still 20, everyone around me is aging. Life is advancing at a phenomenal rate. Therefore, the idea of “having a 21 year old grandchild” is merely an illusion; not unlike being in a fun-house (what an oxymoron that is. They are neither “fun” nor a “house”) hall of mirrors. Except these mirrors, rather than making one appear to be really tall & skinny or truncated and broad; cause everyone about the viewer to appear older.

In fact, they are so good, they even make the viewer appear old!

What a ludicrous idea! How can a 20 year old be folliclely challenged, have a shortage of pigment in the hair and beard, look to be about 35 pounds heavier, and have such wrinkled skin were it not for the “tricks” of the “mirror”?
I chuckled to myself, shaking my head. Arising, I went indoors and looked at my Lovely Bride. Yep, she is still that chestnut haired, blue-eyed beauty who took my breath away when I first saw her!

Getting old... what a silly, silly thought.

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