My Lovely Bride is a genial, friendly,
out-going person. She has a great sense of humor, laughs at most
(well, some) of my stupid jokes, and has been know to come up some
good rib-ticklers on her own.
It was so funny... heee heee.. I get the giggles thinking about it. She told me-oh my gosh.. I can hardly keep from laughing aloud- she told me out of the blue.... now get this- Oh man, I am shaking with laughter- here it comes--- ready? She said “Our grandson will be 21 this week.”. BWAHHHAHHH!
What amazed me, is she delivered this
side-splitter with a perfectly straight face! Oh my gosh.. the woman
is GOOD!.
I was about to double over in a fit of
hysterics, when I noted through my tears of mirth....she was not
laughing with me. Being the astute husband and male that I am, my
initial reaction was “Uh Oh.”
I caught my breath, straightened up,
and asked her (as seriously as I could) to repeat what she had said.
This time, with an icy stare that would stop a freight train, she
stated our grandson was going to be 21.
I looked about me dumbfounded, which is
my usual expression.
“How can this be?” I thought. My
mind raced back over the years.... born, little kid, elementary
school, Jr. High, Sr. High, College, Married.. yep... my math came up
with me being 20 years old. How could it even be physically possible
for me to have a 21 year old grand child??
“Just whose teeny-weeny foot prints
in the cement do you think these are?” I stared blankly at the tiny
toes, narrow little feet, and the initials “DJH...1993” AH-HA! I
thought! I pointed out the date to my Lovely Bride, thereby proving I
did NOT have a 21 year old grandchild. Smugly, I informed her that
“1993” is only 20 years. She then, equally as
smugly, pointed out the lad was close to a year old when the sidewalk
was replaced, and we dipped his tiny tootsies in the cement.
The enormity of what she was suggesting
hit me like a bucket of ice-water. Too stunned to move, I collapsed
on the front step, my mind a-buzz with thought. LB patted me on the
shoulder as she went indoors to enjoy the air-conditioning. I thought
I detected a slight chuckle as she shut the door behind her.
I considered Einstein and the Theory of
Relativity... apparently, for some odd reason, my life has been
progressing at the speed of light. Since I have been traveling at
light speed it appears as though there is no linear movement what so
ever. THAT is why things appear to remain stationary. In reality, I
am zipping along, cramming a whole life-time of experiences into only
a couple short months.
The other possibility I could come up
with entailed a minor warp in the space-time continuum. This in turn
created a difficult to discern worm-hole into which I had slipped.
While I am still 20, everyone around me is aging. Life is advancing
at a phenomenal rate. Therefore, the idea of “having a 21 year old
grandchild” is merely an illusion; not unlike being in a fun-house
(what an oxymoron that is. They are neither “fun” nor a “house”)
hall of mirrors. Except these mirrors, rather than making one appear
to be really tall & skinny or truncated and broad; cause everyone
about the viewer to appear older.
In fact, they are so good, they even
make the viewer appear old!
What a ludicrous idea! How can a 20
year old be folliclely challenged, have a shortage of pigment in the
hair and beard, look to be about 35 pounds heavier, and have such
wrinkled skin were it not for the “tricks” of the “mirror”?
I chuckled to myself, shaking my head.
Arising, I went indoors and looked at my Lovely Bride. Yep, she is
still that chestnut haired, blue-eyed beauty who took my breath away
when I first saw her!
Getting old... what a silly, silly
thought.
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