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Monday, February 25, 2013

Survived the test

I'm back. For good or ill, I'm back.
My last entry was the trauma of facing Laura's Ultimate Scale Of Truth.

Well... I survived. The numbers are going the right way.
However, there does appear to be a discrepancy between the homefront scale, and the Official Scale.
Mine says there is 5 pounds less of me.
I am chalking this up to the time of day, (I weigh in the morning, this was evening), and additional items of apparel. One can only shed just so many things before an "issue" can result. I don't need any additonal issues in my life, believe me.

Now, the really great news.

About 6 months ago, I signed on for a research trip to Northern Pennsylvania. The purpose of said trip was to observe the social behavior of hominids taken from their usual, yet varied, environments, and transported to the mountains of the Allegheny National Forest.

The research subjects were solely males of the species. They were tasked with living in close proximate to one-another, with out the benefit (some would say "supervision") of females. Said test subjects were to provide their own meals, domestic tasks, and peacefully co-exist for a period of 3 days.

Research confirmed conventional wisdom that males, when left to themselves, will quickly devolve from "civilized people" to just a peg higher than Cro-Magnon Man. The primary differences are contemporary males have a common form of commications, verbal and non-verbal. They also prefer to cook food prior to ingesting. It was furthered observed that "cooked" is a realative term. A burger that is 10 degrees above room temperature is considered "cooked" by some. Others will find said burger somewhat "under-done".

Further, research verified that males, in such a female-free environment slip, into a state commonly referred to as "having absolutely no manners." Certain physical emanations, which would be inappropriate (especially in church), were not only accepted; they were soon esteemed as the pinnacle of hilarity. Subsequently, a sort of "competition" spontaneously broke out amongst the test subjects. It was observed that no "winner" was declared; yet none seemed to be bothered by this apparent lack of protocol.

Dietary standards tended to be somewhat relaxed. The focal point of meals was MEAT, with a liberal addition of potatoes. Oh for sure, the morning repast consisted of MEAT, with not only potatoes, but also eggs in massive quantities. The morning meal did have the addition of orange juice, however. It was agreed that such was sufficient to prevent the on-set of scurvy.

Meat came in various forms, and from various sources. All was derived from mammalian quadrepeds.
There was no avian sources provided, save the eggs. The piscatoral food group was not represented.
However, the vegetative group was present; there were tomatoes and beans in the chili. There were onions and mushrooms in the eggs. Pickled beans provided a (negligible) source of fiber.

For 3 days, our hardy subjects pressed on. It is interesting to note that a group of males is totally content to stand in 8 or so inches of snow, merely watching a fire burn. No one utters a word; yet the bond of fraternal comraderie is palpable.

Finally, the time to return to "civilization" came. Following the securing of the test site, the exchange of hearty farewells, the group split to go their different routes. Surprsingly, within 15 minutes of departing the test site, the group had an improptu reunion at the meat market. All participants had an insatiable need to take a food item called "sausages" home.
Obvioiusly, this is a carry-over from more primitive times; the desire to provide one's family with a protein source that will not spoil quickly.

This morning, I awoke in my comfy bed, beside my Lovely Bride. I stepped upon the Scale of Truth, wondering what would occur


Being a test subject does have it's benefits.

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